Loss, Grief and Bereavement
Grief is an emotional reaction which occurs in response to the loss of someone or something. There is no limit to the number of losses that will occur in the life of someone. No matter how or when the loss occurs, grief is the natural response. While each person has a differet reaction to a loss it is imperative to acknowledge the grief because grief can be a long journey to healing.
Manifestations of Normal Grief
Sadness – manifested by crying and depresison; can be blocked through excessive activity and or isolation only to discover that the sadness comes at night. Not allowing the sadness to be experienced, with or without tears, can frequently lead to complicated grief.
Complicating Grief
Complicated grief is when circumstance of the loss complicates the grief process.
1. Sudden -When death there is no time to prepare psychologically for the loss, like those from medical diagnosis that are life-threatening or life changing ( cancer, HIV-Aides, blindness, physical change – amputation, vision loss), accidents, suicides, or homicides.
2. Violent - Any type of tragedy or violent, traumatic death (suicide, accident or homicide), or natural disaster confronts us with a sense of horror.
3. Multiple - More than one loss at a time (schools, churches, automobile accidents, disasters).
4. Unspeakable - Losses people avoid talking about to which some type of social stigma attached (suicide, death to AID, sexual identity, gay, lesbian).
5. Status of the victim - The death of anyone before it is expected.
Normal Symptoms of Grief
• Anger or helplessness.
• Anxiety, fear or panic.
• Feelings of emptiness, loneliness or guilt.
• Hair loss.
• Headaches, muscle aches.
• Memory loss shortened attention span.
• Insomnia.
• Lack of energy or fatigue.
• Numbness or the sense that the death is not real.
• Stomach or digestive problems.
• Vulnerability to illness.
• Sudden mood swings.
• Weight loss or gain.
The Task of Grief
Task 1: To accept the reality of the loss
Task 2: To work through the pain of the loss
Task 3: To adjust to an environment in which deceased is missing
Task 4: To emotionally relocate the deceased and move on with life
Taking the Journey
Family and friends may not know what you need. It is appropriate to let them know ways they can help, which may include:
• Providing healthy meals for you and your family.
• Providing space and quite time.
• Helping with child care and chores.
• Answering the phone, making appointments..
• Going with you to difficult appointments or events.
• Listening and letting you express your emotions.
We have certified staff available to help you take the journey through the grief process. Do not hesitate to ask for help.
References
Atig, T. (1996). "How We Grieve." New York: Oxford University Press.
Bowlby, John. Attachment and loss. New York: Basic Books, 1980.
Deits, Bob (1992) Life After Loss: A Personal Guide Dealing with Death, Divorce, Job Change, and Relocation. Fisher Books, Tucson, Arizona.
Fitzgerald, Helen (1994) The Mourning Handbook. Simon and Schuster, New York, N.Y.
Kubler-Ross, Elizabeth. On death and dying. New York: Macmillan, (1969)1971.
Kastenbaum, Robert J. Death, society, and human experience. New York, Oxford, Singapore,
Sydney: Maxwell Macmillan International Publishing Group, 1991.
Kato, Pamela M. and Traci Mann. "A synthesis of psychological interventions for the bereaved."
Clinical Psychology Review, vol. 19, no. 3, 275-296, 1999.
Leick, N. and Davidsen-Nielsen (1991) Healing Pain. Routledge, New York, N.Y.
Rando, Therese A. Grief, dying, and death: clinical interventions for caregivers. Illinois: Research Press Company, 1984.
Moller, D. W. (1996). "Confronting Death." New York: Oxford University Press.
Rando, T. A. (1991). "How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies."New York: Bantam.
Rich, P. (1999). "The Healing Journey Through Grief: Your Journal for Reflection and Recovery. " New York: John Wiley.
Sanders, C. M. (1989). "Grief: The Mourning After." New John. John Wiley.